CNN's health blog: straights can learn from gays | Attack Machine

Males are wired to sow their seeds wherever, whenever with whomever.

For heterosexual men, the hitch is that females are not wired that way ? they say no.

But put gay men together, with no one to say no, and you have rampant promiscuity. Which accounts for some bad pubic health outcomes, most notably AIDS and other STDs.

So why does an eminent marriage therapist think straights can learn from gays?

Nagoski pointed me to a 12-year study of same-sex couples by eminent marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman, which concluded that all couple types ? straight or gay ? have many of the same issues and the same paths to staying happy together.

But Gottman?s research also indicated that gay/lesbian couples are more upbeat in the face of conflict and, compared to straight couples, use more affection and humor when they bring up a disagreement.

?When it comes to emotions, we think these couples may operate with very different principles than straight couples,? says Gottman. ?Straight couples may have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian relationships.?

Notice how lesbians here are lumped in with gay males, when they are very different.

Studies suggest, for instance, that gay male couples tend to have sex more often than any other type of couples, while lesbian couples tend to have the least amount of sex. Since women often value emotional intimacy over sexual intimacy, low sex drive may not be a concern.

Likewise, two men who have strong libidos may be able to accommodate their sexual desires within an open relationship.

?A number of my gay clients prefer to be sexually open but emotionally monogamous,? says sex and relationship therapist Joe Kort. ?They can have lovers on the side and not have it be a threat to the relationship.?

And marriages with children? Does anyone believe that such behavior will lead to emotionally healthy kids?

Details, details.

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